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STAGE NAMES
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► “I guess the weirdest first-hand experience I’ve ever had with a stage name was with a bassist that I hired to be on ‘Rat Candy’ who disappeared before we recorded it. His name was Graham, but his stage name was ‘Steel’, which he wanted me to call him but I refused to do it because I just felt it was stupid. He wasn’t a big tough-looking bloke or anything and I’d been introduced to him as ‘Graham’, so I felt uncomfortable casually calling him ‘Steel’. I mean, it felt like I was calling him ‘Thor’ or something. He was a really talented bassist, and he showed us some okay demos that had been produced by a member of Fields Of The Nephilim, but he was egotistical and impossible to work with. I mean, during a rehearsal we were going through ‘Smile In A Jar’ and he said he really loved it but, get this, that it would be good with different music.... and different lyrics.... and a different title. I shit you not. Natasha was like ‘but wouldn’t it be a completely different song then? Why don’t you just get Karl to write another song...’ The very first day I was introduced to the guy he informed me that he wasn’t happy with the band name and that I needed to change it because he felt it was ‘unlucky’ to be called The Malfated and that it made him feel ‘uncomfortable’. He was also one of those guys who talk crap about other people in the business like they’re in the know when they’re not, and those people kind of people are just plain embarrassing. They can cause a lot of trouble for their fellow band members with their bullshit. He claimed, for example, that the band Suede [known as London Suede in the USA] recorded in a certain country because they all had sex with little boys there. Graham was just.... yeah, well, what can you say about a guy like that? Unfortunately, there are a lot of people like that on the lower rungs of the business. The strangest idea he had was suggesting that The Malfated dress up as werewolves and pretend publicly that we really are werewolves, in real life, that it isn’t a gimmick, that we only give interviews when the moon is full, shit like that. We found a good reason to get rid of him when he said he couldn’t turn up to a Malfated rehearsal because he was going to be an extra in a Funeral For A Friend music video. God bless you, Steel, wherever the fuck you are.”
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► “I’m just a man who writes, performs, and records songs. I’m not going to put glitter in my hair and change my name to Dan Druff, or sneer at the camera while claiming my name’s Mickey Shitt. Let’s be honest - anyone calling themselves ‘Micky Shitt’ probably has a really mundane birth name like ‘Cecil’, with a life to match. If someone wants to live some kind of escapist fantasy and create some kind of false band mythology, that’s fine, good luck to them. That’s not what The Malfated are about. The Malfated is about being real - I write about whatever’s going on in my life at the time or writing.”
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► “I usually play the keyboards on Malfated recordings, but a year or so ago we hired a keyboardist. He only appeared on one track, but the plan at the time was that he would stick around as a permanent member. His name was David Johnson, and it was pointed out to him that a ‘Johnson’ is a penis, and he said he knew, that kids at his school had wound him up about it. So we set about trying to give him some kind of stage name. I didn’t want him to change his first name, I still wanted him to be himself, to be David, you know? So I suggested ‘David Keys’. He responded that he wanted to be called ‘David “Keys” Johnson’ and I thought that made him sound like some old weird beardy-weirdy blues player or something, so he became ‘David Keys’. Last I heard he was looking for a new band and still going by the name of David Keys. Then again, his MySpace profile claimed he was still a member of The Malfated even though I haven’t heard from him in a year or so and he only appeared on one track. Tell you what, though: if his name had been ‘John Thomas’ I’d probably have had him keep it.”
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► “Sometimes people ask me if my name, Karl Steiger, is a stage name. It isn’t - I was born with it. I wouldn’t use a fake name for work I’m proud of. I’m not hiding anything, and I don’t have issues regarding my own name. My father used many aliases, both legal and non-legal, by the time he was my age, and I think that’s sad. I’m not on the run from anything, I don’t look over my shoulder, I have no embarrassment regarding who I really am, and I’m proud to put my name to whatever I choose to do, whatever I choose to create. I’m Karl Steiger, bitch.”
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► “If I had a name that I was embarrassed about, I wouldn’t use a stage name - I’d change my name legally. A man should be proud of his own name. It’s one of the few things he’ll die with.”
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